He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
