Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Floor bacon is actually really good
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
