Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
this just has baby written all over it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
