MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
