Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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