I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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