Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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