this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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