Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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