Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
