Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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