She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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