make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
