My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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