Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
