So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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