If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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