you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
