i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
