All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
