Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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