my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
