go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
