Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
