She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
