I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
