***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
