We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
