If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
