Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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