She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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