Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
