my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
