So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
