I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
