There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
