Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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