a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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