dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
