I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
