New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
