Someone shit on the floor
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
