chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
