she smelled like a LAN party
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
