What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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