I didn't shave. On purpose
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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