The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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