is your mom at the bar?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
