shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
