he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
