Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
