What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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