Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
