Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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