I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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