I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
