Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
