I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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