Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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