They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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